Today is a weak day for me. I am currently experiencing a rush of emotions as well as the desire to want to change my hair. I have learned that this is a natural tendency for myself and other women that when we are going through emotional changes of any kind (break ups, transition, death of a loved one etc...) we change something about ourselves. Most likely, this change is our hair.
Since starting my blog, I have promised myself to work hard on staying natural and focusing on being naturally me, loving myself, and being proud of it. I want relearn the feeling of accomplishment at the end of each day. I am learning not to be the me that others think I am meant to be, but the me I am meant to be. I have already spent almost two years going back and forth from relaxer to natural, weaves to glue ins, and so on and so forth and learned that I have not been constant and lost a bit of myself in the process.
My thoughts were rampant. Manic almost. Earlier, I wanted to dye my hair blonde...but I didn't. I wanted to go to the hair store and buy tons of hair products that I saw worked for others....but I didn't. I wanted to take down my hair and redo it....but I didn't. Back in the day, I would have just done something drastic just so I could change myself and release the emotion through being someone different. Those changes which offered me a moment of happiness, were short lived because I would then miss being natural and regret my decision. But today I stopped, I acknowledge my thoughts, told myself "NO" and "FELT" what I was feeling. For the first time, I learned how to not let stress effect my decisions, my hair, or my actions.
Instead of doing something to my hair, I went running. Instead of focusing my feelings onto my hair, I allowed myself to feel them. It is tough, but I am just so happy that I am not doing anything to my hair. I feel empowered. I heard my soul say "Thank You" for allowing my body, and mind to continue on this natural journey. I am gaining some control and becoming happy with the beauty that is starting to grow within me, outside of me, and on top of my head. I am allowing myself to progress and see something to the end.
Today, I have no hair regime to share. I put my conditioner in, gelled it down, and left it alone when the urges came on. I have learned that things can grow when left alone. Awesome things can develop and growth can begin when you learn to let things be. Who would have thought that natural hair could teach you so much about yourself?
