Today,
I had a shut up moment. I have been getting lots of those of late. I was speaking on my view of amorality, the reading, and trying to relate how Christians are improperly using Mayan mysticism and placing it with Christianity. I wanted to show how Mayans see 12,25,2012 as the end of their calendar and the start of a new age and how Christians were saying it was the end. I wanted to relay how people can take something meaningful to one culture and corrupt it in another. It felt that this was amoral of Christianity to create negativity around another cultures religion.
But, I was shut up. Not allowed to say or finish what I wanted to say. Instead, I was told, "that they wanted to get the view point of another student" who was tragically put on the spot and made to feel uncomfortable. Maybe the person wanted that person to learn. Maybe they wanted to teach me a lesson. If so, I learned one today. I learned "knowing when to shut up".
I was admittedly hurt at first and red faced for a second, but then I was glad that I was shut up. I was glad that I was put back into my place. I lowered my head in class and adverted glances. I felt uncomfortable. I felt a bit angry. I wanted to say, "IF YOU JUST LET ME FINISH I WOULD EXPLAIN". But no, I shut my mouth. I kept my cool. Instead, I slowly breathed in, I lowered my head, thought of my hair and how proud of the growth I felt, I told myself that I was beautiful, that I loved myself, and that I could only give what I was allowed to give. The hurt went away. I was able to raise my head and I just stayed still. I remained quiet. I listened.
I can't let a moments like these defeat me again. My dad always told me...get a ducks back. But there are times where things just don't roll off. My problem was that things never seemed to roll off...until now. The first thing I thought, "If my stress level rises, all the hard work that I have done to obtain some modicum of stability will go down the drain." This is my time to change. I had a choice to continue my "Woes as me, she doesn't like me attitude" or I could just SHUT UP AND LET GO. I chose to shut up and let it go. As my class mate said...sometimes you just want to say "Fuck", throw up your hands, and let it go. I chose that today.
Today's Hair Regime
Paul Mitchell's Mint Shampoo
Mane and Tail Conditioner
Meditation Moment on my blog...
